Why I went to Rehab – Pure Laziness!

I went to Treatment for my alcoholism/addiction multiple times.  I like to just call it rehab instead of treatment, that’s what I’ve always called it before I even knew I would end up in one haha!  So…… I did not have a moment in my life where this good/noble person deep inside of me appeared one day and decided it was time to do the right thing and go to rehab.  For some reason my brain wants to imagine that it should have been like that, but it was not.  What happened to me is much less romantic if there is any romance in this sort of thing. To start, I am lazy by nature.  There are other kinder words I could use but I like to be real.  Naturally without spiritual help and help from others I am lazy.  I shy away from challenges, (but! Side note if you are pondering this….  I can be seen appearing to embrace challenge when I stumble on something that I find easy, that to my surprise everyone else thinks is challenging.  I will do whatever it is with very little effort and then accept all of the undeserved praise for my hard work and perseverance LOL) I usually panic if I have to feel uncomfortable for any length of time, and I tend to give up at the first sign of adversity.   With that being said, long term substance abuse comes with a long list of consequences if you have the same physical reaction that I do (see Blog #1 – physical allergy) and you can rarely stop under your own steam..  For me the consequences got worse over time.  As I got further and further down a very dark path the consequences started to pile up so high that my everyday life started require the kinds of effort that I could not stand and were unsustainable just to make it through one day.  I would end up broke so I had to borrow or steal money and then duck and dodge a running list of different people on a very regular basis.  I would lose my license so I would have to walk places or take the bus.  I would get arrested and be put on probation and pay fines with money I did not have.  I would get into physical altercations and end up in the hospital, crash my car, lose jobs, be sick all the time, tired all the time, and never ever feel relaxed, at peace or free in any way.  Over time, my laziness and inability to deal with all of these challenges led me to start to look for an easy way out.  I found it!!!! Rehab!  I knew rehab might be an option and I had people in my life mention treatment on a number of occasions.   At a certain point the scales tipped ever so slightly and my laziness and inability to trudge through this chaotic, wildly inconvenient, always painful and downright dangerous life I had created became so intolerable that I caved.  One morning I came in off of a vicious bender (living with my parents as an adult of course) and I was so strung out and horrified at the prospect of continuing all this hard work that I went to my mother who was at the kitchen table having coffee and reading the newspaper. I told her in an overly dramatic way that I need help and wanted to go to rehab.  We both cried and alerted my father and for a moment I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders.  To be completely candid which I promise to always do, I only asked for help to make that day’s pain stop every so slightly with the notion that something might change and I could relax for a second.  I couldn’t and did not think much past that and within a few hours I was regretting my “honesty” and contemplating how I could wiggle out of everything I had admitted to my parents.