In the 5 years that I struggled with attempting to get sober I went to various forms of rehab a number of different times. Detoxes, IOP’s (Intensive Out Patient) and inpatient residential. It is funny now to remember what I was thinking about while my life was burning down around me as I sat on my parent’s couch, on my last legs as they helped me find a rehab to go to. I wasn’t thinking about what kind of therapy these places might have or if the counselors were good, or what kind of treatment program they provided. What I was thinking about might be shocking to a normal person and may even anger some that do not understand this illness that we suffer from. I was thinking……..are the beds comfortable? Will I have to share a room? Can I smoke cigarettes or bring my vape? Are there girls there? Am I going to find the love of my life or hook up? Is the food good? Is this the place that I heard about that service prime rib? Can I use my cell phone? I think that where I was at is normal and although it seems like our minds should be focused on the quality of treatment and the quality of the program they are not. We are sick which is why we are seeking treatment. We are interested in things that we think ill bring comfort and stop some of the pain that returns when you take away my solution to surviving on this planet (drugs and alcohol) If you were in the same place mentally , I love you. Even if you weren’t I love you just the same. I want to break down how I see this now in hindsight and am going to focus on the cell phone one for the breakdown. To my dismay but later I learned to my benefit I was NOT allowed to have my cell phone, most places are like this. In the case they do allow cell phones it is usually not in the first few weeks while our heads “clear” In fact at one place I attempted to sneak in my cell phone, a charger and about 17 condoms. All of these things were found by the check in tech and laid out on the table (in front of my mom too!) when they brought me to grab my suitcase and go to my room. It was embarrassing then and hilarious now. Later on, what I realized is that I was asking the wrong question. The question to ask is “should I bring my cell phone?” The answer although I was understandably incapable of saying it then is ……….. absolutely not! For the first few weeks of sobriety I had no business contacting anyone. The only people I needed to be in touch with are people who care enough to reach out through the rehab staff to see how I am doing and the people that come to visit me on those Saturday visiting hours. I needed to hide away and get my head clear, I could never have done this if I had any kind of mobile device. I found out later that I could also make calls from a land line at night with a calling card during special hours reserved for calling family and loved ones. That was enough. By the way all of this is temporary anyway, I have been sober for years now and no one tries to take my phone away! (some days I kind of wish they would though) If you are in and out of rehab and concerned about seemingly frivolous or luxurious things when going back, welcome! You are just like me and I suspect many others. Its okay! You don’t need your phone, the important people in your life will find you. You deserve good food and a comfortable bed and if those things get you to a rehab safe and sound great! Ask the questions that are important to you, the only thing we care about is that you at least agree to go somewhere because we want you alive, well and one step closer to the amazing and beautiful journey of getting sober!!!!